Losing Discipline

Posted 11 months, 2 weeks ago at 11:27 pm. 0 comments

When I was a teen I found self discipline fairly easy.

I never had a rebelious period in my youth. I put that down to the fact that when I was 14 I learned alot more about my heart condition and what God said to Mum & Dad during my first few weeks. It left me with a clear and strong sense of spiritual purpose and thinking that if God had both saved me physically when I was a baby and spiritually by dying on the cross, the least I could do is give him everything in return.

My zeal and determination with self-discipline was helped by great youth leaders and being challenged and inspired by books like “Celebration Of Discipline” by Richard Foster and “The Pursuit Of God” by A. W. Tozer.

Before Amy died I went on a made-up Soup diet to lose weight and I did well, I lost 1 1/2 stone in 6 weeks. Since finding out we’re pregnant again I committed to another diet with a friend, except we call this one a “lifestyle change”. Initially I lost quite a few pounds but then we both plateaued and over Christmas I put on some weight.

Even with the accountability of disciplining myself I’m finding I just can’t be bothered. I think I’m going through a wave of grief over losing Amy and that might be a factor. But frankly, I don’t care about disciplining my eating habits - it just doesn’t seem to matter.

Yet something tugs at me inside and tells me that I’m failing and it is important and I’m being childish and just sort yourself out and the tension makes me miserable.

If being undisciplined is not doing something you know it’s right to do (something the Bible says is sin), are we allowed to be undisciplined at times?

Does grief excuse lack of discipline?

I hope so.