The Pain Blame Game

Posted 11 months ago at 11:08 pm. 1 comment

I have asked many times why Amy died. I’m not asking how she died, her stillbirth was one of the 50% that are unexplained. I want to know why.

Mary-Lou particularly has battled with the idea that Amy died because of something she did or didn’t do. No matter how much doctors, midwives and friends reassure her that she didn’t cause Amy’s stillbirth, she still wonders. All she wants is for God himself to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but he hasn’t.

I knew this was a broken world long before Amy died. I grew up in an evangelical family and was aware that bad things happen to good people as a result of The Fall. I also believed that God was totally good, and this confused me a bit. But I had never experienced any major suffering to have to really figure it out, it was just another confusing tension which I could easily put to the back of my mind. I was also aware of my own sins and pride and never believed that I was one of those good people who didn’t deserve bad things.

When we suffer pain, or a loss, we humans often question why it has happened to us. I wondered whether Amy died as a punishment to me. I couldn’t think of a single sin that might have caused the punishment, afterall, there are many to choose from.

I have also been angry with God and wanted to blame him. WTF was he doing when she died? I believe he had the power to save her, so why, why, why didn’t he?

Reading “Where Is God When It Hurts” recently helped me think through the idea that Amy died as a punishment to me. Philip Yancey points to Job and Jesus to show that it is not a valid conclusion.

Job was blameless, that’s why Satan wanted to ruin him to prove to God that mankind will only freely love him whenthings are good. So Jobs suffering was not because he deserved it or as a punishment and even though Jobs friends urged him to repent of whatever sin broughthim his suffering, he disagreed that this was the reason and still chose to love and honour God.

Then there was Jesus who relieved many individuals of their suffering put never inflicted pain or suffering as a punishment. If God regularly punishes people, you’d have thought Jesus would have broken a few bones!

There are of course plenty of examples of God punishing Israel and others (after repeated warnings) but Yancey argues that this is not how God operates this side of Jesus.

Great. For me. But non of this helps Mary-Lou who is desperate to hear God tell her it wasn’t her fault.